Doggy Definitions

dog_readingDefinitions are a fascinating thing – to define something is to give it meaning, but who’s to say a word has a single meaning?  In the same way a story has multiple views or contexts, multiple lessons to learn, so too, does a definition have multiple perspectives and meanings. In a way, to redefine someone or one’s self is a way to add a new perspective to how a person is perceived or how they view of the world.  One such way to redefine yourself, is to grow and explore new exciting kinks and what they mean: puppy play, bondage, fisting, water sports, etc.

For kinky puppies especially, knowing what defines you, what gets your tail-wagging and sexual juices flowing, is a way to not only feel more in tune with yourself, but ensure a fun, open and communicative sexual lifestyle.  What better to expand your intellect, than to redefine words you already know and use them from a new perspective on all-fours!?

This week, for the fun of it, I’ve decided to redefine some things that we instinctively know the definition to, but from the perspective of a pup. I want to capture the fun, magic and playfulness of this art and redefine some very key puppy play related terms in this pup dictionary, or Puptionary. As always, I hope you enjoy!



BACON: a divine human food usually salted and dried or smoked, sliced thin and fried. Also seen as a treat for good pups; while the smell is intoxicating to any surrounding puppies, the only sure way to acquire this sustenance is to sit pretty and beg with an upward look no Handler can resist.

BATH: If you find something especially good to roll in, Handlers get jealous and they use this degrading form of torture to get even. Be sure to shake only when next to a person or a piece of furniture.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for pups to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

BONE: also see “treat,” one of the structures Handlers hide in their pants, with proper stimulation, bones are known to get bigger; puppies are known to bury bones in many places.

BUMP: The best way to get your Handler’s attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects pups when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction or lying down.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.

LOVE: A feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you’re lucky, a Handler will love you in return.

SCRITCHES/SCRATCHES: also see “treat,” this form of endearment is usually a way for Handler or other appropriated persons to say “hello” or show good behavior has been performed by a puppy. Key spots include: top of the head, tummy, butt and back.

SNIFF: A social custom used to greet other pups, similar to the Handler exchange of business cards or shaking of hands.

SQUIRREL: these beings are small, furry, usually brown and require immediate attention via barking. At times, depending on headspace, it is also appropriate to yell “Squirrel!” as to allow any pups in the immediate vicinity the alert.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Handlers remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following at their heels.

TREAT: entertainment, food, etc., given by way of Handler to pup by some sort of chewable object such as bacon, bone, toy. Treats are of the upmost importance and reason enough to perform menial tasks and “tricks” for a handler.

VET: also known as “car rides,” a hospital where puppies are taken to appraise, verify, or check for accuracy of their health.  A clever front to remove ensure the removal of a puppy’s sexual reproductive capabilities; while no accurate way to respond to this horrific trip exists, shaking uncontrollably or whining loudly sometimes works.

WASTEBASKET: This is a pup toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy wrappers. It is important to evenly distribute its contents throughout the house before your person comes home.

How to add to the Puptionary…

Got some words you want to redefine or add to this small, but growing dictionary? Send them in or add some words to the comments below so we can do this Puptionary filled up! Join us next week as we continue the squirrel-chasing fun of puppy play!


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