Episode 213 – Savage on Consent

Description of Show

Dan Savage returns to the podcast as a guest, and we talk about consent.

 Show Notes

  • What Now? Dan presents it this week, and mentions three organizations that really could use our donations: ACLU, Planned Parenthood, and the International Refugee Assistance Project.
  • In the News: Sadly, stealthing is the newest, dangerous sex trend…for straight people.
  • We receive a letter asking for advice from Dan about a violation of consent from a prominent member of their local kink community.
  • The discussion moves into consent in general.
    • Having “the talk” before going in. A too-long talk can make the scene less passionate.
    • How you give “the talk.” It can be given in a reassuring, positive, and inclusive way.
    • Practice makes perfect…with the same person. You will read each other more readily without having to vocalize things, and trust between the two grows with each new experience with each other.
    • Consent given during a sexual experience that was previously out-of-bounds…not to be taken lightly.
    • Straight folks new to kink may be at a slight disadvantage compared to the gay male community…since gay men tend to first ask “what are you into?” since there is not one activity assumed to be part of gay sex.
    • Sometimes, consent given even well-before a scene could still be a negative time, but the consolation prize is that the person who gave the consent learned what they did not like.
    • Finally, if you are on the extreme side of kink activities, maybe an e-mail or text exchange stating what is consented to is a good idea.


Mr. S Leather Co.

This episode sponsored by: Mr. S Leather. For this episode we feature the Padded Scream Mitts:



About Our Guest

Dan Savage is a sex advice columnist, activist, author, and podcaster from Seattle. Listen to his podcast The Savage Lovecast and read his writing on The Stranger at The Savage Love and SLOG.

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