This last weekend during the annual New World Rubbermen Weekend, which was held at Rubberasylum and Wetsuitjay’s home, I had the opportunity to rediscover an old submissive side of myself that I haven’t delved into for a while.
Now, overall I was not as Dominant as I usually am at events or in my personal life. I suppose that came from the work I have been doing in the last six month, where I have been tasked with leading a team of a couple dozen individuals in my professional life. I can be hard sometimes to always be “on”, so it was nice to not for a while.
I got a chance to spend a little time as a pup. There is a local Sir who was at the party for only a short time, Sir Randy. He has two pups that are friends I have known for a long time, and Sir has had several conversations with me about being a pup for him at some point. We just haven’t had a chance to make it happen.
So when he came up to me to ask if I would be a pup it was a special moment for me. I got into some rubber, borrowed a hood and found my mitts, and brought them to him. It was all I had with me at the time.
There was some memories that were coming up as he was locking on the mitts, and fitting the hood, memories of back when I was first getting into pup play. The excitement of it all, the drive to find my inner instinct and let normal flow of thoughts melt away.
For each pup the headspace is different, or at least described differently. For me, it is all about instinct. When I am in pup mode I let go of the reasoning part of my head, the memories an the analyzing, and go instantly with what the animal part of my brain wants. Follow Sir. Jump. Lick. Bark. Play. Sit. Scratch.
The attraction of this, the reason why so many pups love this kind of play, is simple. It is living in the moment.
I wish I could tell you much of what happened next but it became a blur of emotions. Pride. Nervous. Playful. Horny. Warm. Scared. Loved.
But the mechanics of what happened I lost. I know we went upstairs, there was some people near by, but can’t remember exactly who at the party saw me as a pup as I wasn’t paying attention. I know a set of football shoulder pads where put on me, I know I got petted by a few people, and I remember Sir scratching my head a lot, but after that I lost most of it.
When I came out of it, when Sir was taking off the gear and telling me it was time to come back, my normal thoughts started sticking again, the flow of instinct rescinded back to the background, to the part of my brain where it quietly suggests rather than controls who I am.
I didn’t think it was possible to go back there, but glad to find I still had the ability.
So thank you Sir for giving me that opportunity! I can’t wait for the next chance I get to explore this.
And I look forward to working with some other pups to find the same opportunities to find their inner instinct.
Before I close, I want to share two things.
I have kept some people at arm’s length at times, due at least in part because I have carried hurt feelings, and more than a little guilt for having them, around with me in regards to someone I was once close to. It may still be a little too soon to say finding my pup again lead me to remember that the Now is what is important, but it had to have at least helped. I spent the next night speaking to the person who I had once blamed for my hurt feelings, and apologized for wasting such time. For that I am grateful.
And finally, I have a photo to share form this moment with my football buddy, Kip.